Is there an award or accolade you have always dreamed of winning or being recognized for?
And this is where I become a four year old again. I want to win an Oscar. Preferably for Best Actress or Best Actress in a Supporting Role, but really any Oscar would do. I have written multiple acceptance speeches. I know the likelihood of winning this award is slim to none. But one can always dream right?
Monday, June 20, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Do you feel blessed or lucky to wake up each day? How can you get to that point?
It's so funny how quickly things change. 3 months ago I would have said no. I would have said that some days, it's hard to get up and appreciate life. But now everyday, I do. I think it's because of Kris. I'm so lucky to have him in my life. And every day when I wake up, I think of him and it reminds me that good things do happen and even though life is hard, there is always something that makes it worth it.
If all your debt was forgiven tomorrow, and you had a completely clean slate, what is the FIRST thing you would change about your life?
I would buy a better car. I would go to a better school. I would buy a new wardrobe. I would move to a better house. I would learn how to manage money better. I guess I should do that now. I'm working on it. I would get approved for a credit card so I could build my credit and secure my future.
Where are three places you have thought about living but never did?
New York City. I wanted to get a nanny job there, but when the opportunity to go to D.C. came up, I ran there hot foot. Right now it's just too expensive to even entertain the idea of living there.
Greece. I would love to live amongst that history, that ocean, that art. Oh what a life that would be.
Seattle. For a long time this is where I wanted to end up. I couldn't tell you why. I honestly have no idea what makes me want to live in a town where there is so much rain. But it is beautiful. And it seems like it would be a lovely place to go.
When do you want to retire?
Right now. Hahaha. No, I think I would like to retire at 55. I would like to go back to school then and get a degree in Art History. It is a completely pointless degree right now, but when I retire I can travel to the places where the art is and have my pointless completely for my self enjoyment degree.
5 more questions to go. I can't believe it has taken me this long to actually get through them. I'm ridiculous.
It's so funny how quickly things change. 3 months ago I would have said no. I would have said that some days, it's hard to get up and appreciate life. But now everyday, I do. I think it's because of Kris. I'm so lucky to have him in my life. And every day when I wake up, I think of him and it reminds me that good things do happen and even though life is hard, there is always something that makes it worth it.
If all your debt was forgiven tomorrow, and you had a completely clean slate, what is the FIRST thing you would change about your life?
I would buy a better car. I would go to a better school. I would buy a new wardrobe. I would move to a better house. I would learn how to manage money better. I guess I should do that now. I'm working on it. I would get approved for a credit card so I could build my credit and secure my future.
Where are three places you have thought about living but never did?
New York City. I wanted to get a nanny job there, but when the opportunity to go to D.C. came up, I ran there hot foot. Right now it's just too expensive to even entertain the idea of living there.
Greece. I would love to live amongst that history, that ocean, that art. Oh what a life that would be.
Seattle. For a long time this is where I wanted to end up. I couldn't tell you why. I honestly have no idea what makes me want to live in a town where there is so much rain. But it is beautiful. And it seems like it would be a lovely place to go.
When do you want to retire?
Right now. Hahaha. No, I think I would like to retire at 55. I would like to go back to school then and get a degree in Art History. It is a completely pointless degree right now, but when I retire I can travel to the places where the art is and have my pointless completely for my self enjoyment degree.
5 more questions to go. I can't believe it has taken me this long to actually get through them. I'm ridiculous.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
So. . . I'm in love :D
Friday, May 13, 2011
Do you feel energized when you work?
Um, when my boss isn't there. When she is, I feel like my very soul is being drained from my body out of my eyes. She is a joy sucker. And the sad thing is, I know she doesn't mean to be. She just doesn't know a lot about life and people and common manners. Which is strange because she is more than twice my age; and yet I feel like I know so much more about life than she does. She has never really had want for anything. And so the prospect that I may have to have a second job or donate plasma is preposterous to her. And I want to be able to say she is a good woman who means well because I really think in her closed minded little brain, she does. But she is so self involved that she doesn't really follow through with her good intentions. But when she isn't there, I feel like I have the freedom to do my job and get things done.
Do you feel creative when you work?
Not really. My job isn't a terribly creative one. Since I work through and get paid by a grant, there are a very strict number of regulations I have to follow. I have very little free room to expand and implement the awesome ideas that I have. I have been able to once in a blue moon. Like, when the kids were learning about ancient Egypt, the lesson plan I came up with was brilliant. They mummified apples, made cartouches, and learned about gods and goddesses. It was a little more brilliant than it sounds. But that was truly a blast. And it makes me think it might do me well to be a History teacher. Who knows? Not me, that's for sure.
Describe what you consider work and what you consider play. What are the differences?
Work is doing something that you have to do in order to make ends meet. It can even be something you love, but if you have to do it to survive, it is work. Play is something you do in your free time that you enjoy and don't feel pressured to do. You don't have to do it for anyone but yourself. For some reason, I consider answering this question work. I think it's because I love my blog and I enjoy writing it. But in order to complete it, I have to answer questions that don't interest me and that I find mundane. Like this question. A means to an end.
Um, when my boss isn't there. When she is, I feel like my very soul is being drained from my body out of my eyes. She is a joy sucker. And the sad thing is, I know she doesn't mean to be. She just doesn't know a lot about life and people and common manners. Which is strange because she is more than twice my age; and yet I feel like I know so much more about life than she does. She has never really had want for anything. And so the prospect that I may have to have a second job or donate plasma is preposterous to her. And I want to be able to say she is a good woman who means well because I really think in her closed minded little brain, she does. But she is so self involved that she doesn't really follow through with her good intentions. But when she isn't there, I feel like I have the freedom to do my job and get things done.
Do you feel creative when you work?
Not really. My job isn't a terribly creative one. Since I work through and get paid by a grant, there are a very strict number of regulations I have to follow. I have very little free room to expand and implement the awesome ideas that I have. I have been able to once in a blue moon. Like, when the kids were learning about ancient Egypt, the lesson plan I came up with was brilliant. They mummified apples, made cartouches, and learned about gods and goddesses. It was a little more brilliant than it sounds. But that was truly a blast. And it makes me think it might do me well to be a History teacher. Who knows? Not me, that's for sure.
Describe what you consider work and what you consider play. What are the differences?
Work is doing something that you have to do in order to make ends meet. It can even be something you love, but if you have to do it to survive, it is work. Play is something you do in your free time that you enjoy and don't feel pressured to do. You don't have to do it for anyone but yourself. For some reason, I consider answering this question work. I think it's because I love my blog and I enjoy writing it. But in order to complete it, I have to answer questions that don't interest me and that I find mundane. Like this question. A means to an end.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Oh Danny Elfman; you never cease to be incredibly insightful.
"We Close Our Eyes" by Oingo Boingo
We're on the healing path
We're on a roller coaster ride
That could never turn back
And if you love me
And if you really try
To make the seconds count
Then we can close our eyes
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
We close our eyes and dream and another year has come and gone
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
We close our eyes and dream ...
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
We close our eyes
We close our eyes and dream and the world has turned around again
When everybody is running in the big race
And having a good time
Who am I to cast a shadow
Who am I?
I looked Death in the face last night
I saw him in a mirror
And he simply smiled
He told me not to worry
He told me just to take my time
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
We close our eyes and dream and another year has come and gone
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
We close our eyes and dream ...
And if you come to me
And if you touch my hand
I might just slip away
I might just disappear
Who am I?
And if you think I'm worth it
And if you think it's not too late
We might start falling
If we don't try to hard
We might start falling in love
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
We close our eyes and dream and another year has come and gone
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
We close our eyes and dream ...
We close our eyes and dream and the world has turned around again
When everybody is running in the big race
And having a good time
Who am I to cast a shadow
Who am I?
I looked Death in the face last night
I saw him in a mirror
And he simply smiled
He told me not to worry
He told me just to take my time
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
We close our eyes and dream and another year has come and gone
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
We close our eyes and dream ...
And if you come to me
And if you touch my hand
I might just slip away
I might just disappear
Who am I?
And if you think I'm worth it
And if you think it's not too late
We might start falling
If we don't try to hard
We might start falling in love
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
We close our eyes and dream and another year has come and gone
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
We close our eyes and dream ...
We're on the healing path
We're on a roller coaster ride
That could never turn back
And if you love me
And if you really try
To make the seconds count
Then we can close our eyes
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
We close our eyes and dream and another year has come and gone
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
We close our eyes and dream ...
We close our eyes and the world has turned around again
Friday, April 22, 2011
What do you find challenging?
Math and Science. Fo sho. My mind simply does not comprehend certain aspects of these academic fields. It is also very challenging for me to hold my tongue in certain situations. Many situations in fact. I'm a very opinionated person and have an incredibly hard time keeping my opinions to myself. I'm also really, really bad at having self-control. I don't think about consequences before I do something. Also New Year's resolutions. Those are incredibly challenging. Pretty much failed every single one.
What do you find thrilling?
And this is where my lack of self-control comes in handy. I am thrilled by adventure. Who isn't? And because I don't think about consequences, I often times live in a world of adventure. I also am very thrilled by living vicariously through characters in books. Especially Katniss. She rocks.
What are three memories you haven't yet created but you would like to?
It is very hard to plan your memories. But there are a few that I think many people aspire toward. Here goes:
I would love to remember graduating from college with my degree. That would be nice to have in the past and look on with warm fuzzy feelings.
I would like to remember my wedding day and the joy that will (hopefully) come along with it.
I can't wait to remember giving birth to my children. I am told that the moment you first hold them in your arms and realize you have created them is both absolutely remarkable and terrifying.
Math and Science. Fo sho. My mind simply does not comprehend certain aspects of these academic fields. It is also very challenging for me to hold my tongue in certain situations. Many situations in fact. I'm a very opinionated person and have an incredibly hard time keeping my opinions to myself. I'm also really, really bad at having self-control. I don't think about consequences before I do something. Also New Year's resolutions. Those are incredibly challenging. Pretty much failed every single one.
What do you find thrilling?
And this is where my lack of self-control comes in handy. I am thrilled by adventure. Who isn't? And because I don't think about consequences, I often times live in a world of adventure. I also am very thrilled by living vicariously through characters in books. Especially Katniss. She rocks.
What are three memories you haven't yet created but you would like to?
It is very hard to plan your memories. But there are a few that I think many people aspire toward. Here goes:
I would love to remember graduating from college with my degree. That would be nice to have in the past and look on with warm fuzzy feelings.
I would like to remember my wedding day and the joy that will (hopefully) come along with it.
I can't wait to remember giving birth to my children. I am told that the moment you first hold them in your arms and realize you have created them is both absolutely remarkable and terrifying.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Are there things in life you wish you could reverse or make right?
This is tough. I don't believe in reversing or rewinding things. That doesn't mean I don't have regrets. But I don't think I would want my regrets to be taken away. There are, however, many things I would like to make right. But I don't think I will.
This is tough. I don't believe in reversing or rewinding things. That doesn't mean I don't have regrets. But I don't think I would want my regrets to be taken away. There are, however, many things I would like to make right. But I don't think I will.
- Make up with Marco. Be his friend again.
- Talk to Marc. Tell him what he meant to me. And how he hurt me.
- Cut off Drew's balls.
- Tell Alina the truth about what happened and see if it changes anything.
- Tell Amanda I finally understand.
- Yell at Travis. Then thank him.
I know I won't do these things. At least not anytime soon.
Do you feel like you have enough money to live the way you want?
Is it just me, or have I answered this question? A million times. No!
Are you happy when you think of the upcoming day and all that comes with it?
Not everyday. I'm only human. There are definitely days when I wake up and want the day to be over already. But there are also those days that I know are going to be absolutely amazing. But those are both fairly rare occasions. Generally, when I think of the upcoming day, I think about everything that needs to get done. Then I think about how to best postpone those things. Then I do them. And spend my time instead being happy about my upcoming life :)
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Because it's been a while.
Whats a fact about the last person you liked?
He likes comic books.
Who was the last person you gave up on?
Steve Renner
Have you talked to a complete jerk today?
Nope. I try not to most days.
What did you do last night?
Iggy's with Lex, Trevor, and Justin H.
Do you think relationships are even worth it?
Of course.
If you could pack up and move would you?
Probably.
Do your parents REALLY know you?
My mom knows most of me. There are some parts that are hidden.
When was the last time you laughed really hard?
Last night at Iggy's we were asking each other how the motorcycle got in the building and pretending we were asking the waiter and Trevor kept saying, "What the f*ck?" It was hysterical.
What are you excited for?
School to be done!!!!!!!!!!
Has anyone told you lately that they would always be there for you?
Not in those terms but it is definitely implied. Oh wait, I think Lyndsie did over Spring Break.
What do you want right now?
Right this second? To have a cupcake.
Are your parents divorced?
Yes.
Do you fall for people easily?
I used to. Now I'm jaded.
Would you ever get a tattoo?
Maybe.
What's your mood right now?
Good.
Did you enjoy your weekend?
Quite.
Last person you told a secret to?
Lex.
Are you stubborn?
Oh, incredibly.
Are you gonna be home alone tonight?
Most likely.
Are you listening to music right now?
No.
Who else is in the room with you?
No one. Not even my cats.
In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
Um.... Coats? Duh.
Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Not in a, "I hate my life" sort of way. But in a, "I don't want to go to work or school tomorrow, I just want to have fun" way.
How long can you go without your mobile phone?
In the real world? Weekends maybe. But weekdays I need it for work.
In fantasy land? Forever and ever.
Ever kissed someone else's girlfriend/boyfriend?
Ha ha, um, about that. I'm a bad person.
What's the worst time to say I love you?
When it's unrequited.
Who was the last person in your room besides family?
Alexa.
What is one place you would love to visit right now?
Europe. Especially Italy and France because I want to see art!
Do you know anyone named Dan?
Why in fact I do. First kiss Dan.
Is there someone you know you should hate, but you can't?
You shouldn't hate anyone.
Is there anyone you trust even though you shouldn't?
Justin Mortensen. Lol. But I trust him explicitly.
Are you afraid of falling in love?
At the wrong time.
Have you had the chicken pox?
Yes.
Are you a forgiving person?
I can be.
Are you talking to someone while doing this?
No.
Are you younger than 21?
No.
Do you like winter?
Yuck yuck yucky yuck yuck. Hate it.
How clean is your room?
It's not a pig sty. But it's close.
Do you have feelings for anyone?
Lots of people. Romantic feelings? Just one. Currently.
Is there anyone you need to tell something to?
I need to tell my bishop A LOT of things.
Do you want to yell at the top of your lungs?
Yes.
What do you think about people who get hair extensions?
If they look good, go for it.
Are you named after a grandparent?
No.
Who's bed did you sleep in last?
Besides my own? I don't kiss and tell. Except in that one blog post. But, hint; it's not someone on that list.
Do you like the color green?
Very much.
How many hours did you sleep for last night?
9 restless hours. So closer to 0.
How do you feel about the last person that called you?
Quite like her. BFF.
Are you someones first love?
I'm actually not sure. Probably not.
Last place you smoked a cigarette?
On a balcony.
Last time you received flowers?
When I moved back to St. George. Barbie bought me a rose.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Working.
Are you addicted to anything?
Not in the, "I can't quit" sort of way. More, "I just like it a lot and will quit when I want to" way.
Are you tired?
A little.
What are you about to do?
Bathe. Nap maybe. Clean?
When did you sign up for myspace?
At 15 I think. I deleted it at 19.
What do you do when you get mad?
Cry, scream, call my mom.
Where were you saturday night at 12?
Home.
What's bothering you right now?
How much school I've missed. And the uncertainty of my passing grades.
Are facial piercings trashy?
If they are than I'm trashy.
What color is your tongue?
Tongue colored.
Is it possible that you could be pregnant right now?
Nope.
When was the last time you had your hair cut?
November.
Does anyone have a lock of your hair?
No.
If you had to go without one food group for the rest of your life, which would it be?
I like all the food groups. Even the veggie group. I would probably say the sugar, fat, excess stuff group because it's the only semi-healthy option.
When you go to the zoo, what are you most excited about seeing?
Elephants and big cats.
Who is your favorite talk show host?
Ellen Degeneres.
What makes you happy?
Lots of things.
What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
Watched Bones.
Do you like the person you are becoming?
Sort of. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
Do you miss anyone from your past?
I guess. Sort of.
He likes comic books.
Who was the last person you gave up on?
Steve Renner
Have you talked to a complete jerk today?
Nope. I try not to most days.
What did you do last night?
Iggy's with Lex, Trevor, and Justin H.
Do you think relationships are even worth it?
Of course.
If you could pack up and move would you?
Probably.
Do your parents REALLY know you?
My mom knows most of me. There are some parts that are hidden.
When was the last time you laughed really hard?
Last night at Iggy's we were asking each other how the motorcycle got in the building and pretending we were asking the waiter and Trevor kept saying, "What the f*ck?" It was hysterical.
What are you excited for?
School to be done!!!!!!!!!!
Has anyone told you lately that they would always be there for you?
Not in those terms but it is definitely implied. Oh wait, I think Lyndsie did over Spring Break.
What do you want right now?
Right this second? To have a cupcake.
Are your parents divorced?
Yes.
Do you fall for people easily?
I used to. Now I'm jaded.
Would you ever get a tattoo?
Maybe.
What's your mood right now?
Good.
Did you enjoy your weekend?
Quite.
Last person you told a secret to?
Lex.
Are you stubborn?
Oh, incredibly.
Are you gonna be home alone tonight?
Most likely.
Are you listening to music right now?
No.
Who else is in the room with you?
No one. Not even my cats.
In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
Um.... Coats? Duh.
Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Not in a, "I hate my life" sort of way. But in a, "I don't want to go to work or school tomorrow, I just want to have fun" way.
How long can you go without your mobile phone?
In the real world? Weekends maybe. But weekdays I need it for work.
In fantasy land? Forever and ever.
Ever kissed someone else's girlfriend/boyfriend?
Ha ha, um, about that. I'm a bad person.
What's the worst time to say I love you?
When it's unrequited.
Who was the last person in your room besides family?
Alexa.
What is one place you would love to visit right now?
Europe. Especially Italy and France because I want to see art!
Do you know anyone named Dan?
Why in fact I do. First kiss Dan.
Is there someone you know you should hate, but you can't?
You shouldn't hate anyone.
Is there anyone you trust even though you shouldn't?
Justin Mortensen. Lol. But I trust him explicitly.
Are you afraid of falling in love?
At the wrong time.
Have you had the chicken pox?
Yes.
Are you a forgiving person?
I can be.
Are you talking to someone while doing this?
No.
Are you younger than 21?
No.
Do you like winter?
Yuck yuck yucky yuck yuck. Hate it.
How clean is your room?
It's not a pig sty. But it's close.
Do you have feelings for anyone?
Lots of people. Romantic feelings? Just one. Currently.
Is there anyone you need to tell something to?
I need to tell my bishop A LOT of things.
Do you want to yell at the top of your lungs?
Yes.
What do you think about people who get hair extensions?
If they look good, go for it.
Are you named after a grandparent?
No.
Who's bed did you sleep in last?
Besides my own? I don't kiss and tell. Except in that one blog post. But, hint; it's not someone on that list.
Do you like the color green?
Very much.
How many hours did you sleep for last night?
9 restless hours. So closer to 0.
How do you feel about the last person that called you?
Quite like her. BFF.
Are you someones first love?
I'm actually not sure. Probably not.
Last place you smoked a cigarette?
On a balcony.
Last time you received flowers?
When I moved back to St. George. Barbie bought me a rose.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Working.
Are you addicted to anything?
Not in the, "I can't quit" sort of way. More, "I just like it a lot and will quit when I want to" way.
Are you tired?
A little.
What are you about to do?
Bathe. Nap maybe. Clean?
When did you sign up for myspace?
At 15 I think. I deleted it at 19.
What do you do when you get mad?
Cry, scream, call my mom.
Where were you saturday night at 12?
Home.
What's bothering you right now?
How much school I've missed. And the uncertainty of my passing grades.
Are facial piercings trashy?
If they are than I'm trashy.
What color is your tongue?
Tongue colored.
Is it possible that you could be pregnant right now?
Nope.
When was the last time you had your hair cut?
November.
Does anyone have a lock of your hair?
No.
If you had to go without one food group for the rest of your life, which would it be?
I like all the food groups. Even the veggie group. I would probably say the sugar, fat, excess stuff group because it's the only semi-healthy option.
When you go to the zoo, what are you most excited about seeing?
Elephants and big cats.
Who is your favorite talk show host?
Ellen Degeneres.
What makes you happy?
Lots of things.
What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
Watched Bones.
Do you like the person you are becoming?
Sort of. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
Do you miss anyone from your past?
I guess. Sort of.
What are three things you do everyday that make you totally happy?
Petting my cats, especially Lucy because she is autistic and doesn't always like to be touched.
Eating or drinking something I love, for example, peanut butter sandwiches, peppermint tea, coffee, oatmeal, or cupcakes.
Pondering my past and making plans for my future.
What do you want to pass on to your children?
Wisdom I guess. I want them to learn from my mistakes and not be worried about making their own. I want them to love people and not be bullies, to be tolerant, musical, creative, and bright. I want them to love God and know of His existence, appreciate little things, and count their blessings. If they have illnesses of the mental or autistic kind, I want them to know how to handle them and to (hopefully) learn from my experience and manage them earlier rather than later. And I want them to love, love, love life. And the Beatles. And LOST.
What is something you have never tried but would like to?
I can answer with the same ol' same ol' like skydiving, cliff jumping, or running a marathon (although I don't particularly want to do that). But I shall try to be unique. Hmm. . . I want to build a tree house. A massive one! Like Tarzan's or the Swiss Family Robinson's. Also, I would like to walk on hot coals. Like Pam does. It seems to have been a very enlightening experience for her. I would like to be enlightened. I also want to survive in the wild. And learn to shoot a bow and arrow. And be brave enough to admit and chase after my dreams. There are lots o' things I want to try.
Petting my cats, especially Lucy because she is autistic and doesn't always like to be touched.
Eating or drinking something I love, for example, peanut butter sandwiches, peppermint tea, coffee, oatmeal, or cupcakes.
Pondering my past and making plans for my future.
What do you want to pass on to your children?
Wisdom I guess. I want them to learn from my mistakes and not be worried about making their own. I want them to love people and not be bullies, to be tolerant, musical, creative, and bright. I want them to love God and know of His existence, appreciate little things, and count their blessings. If they have illnesses of the mental or autistic kind, I want them to know how to handle them and to (hopefully) learn from my experience and manage them earlier rather than later. And I want them to love, love, love life. And the Beatles. And LOST.
What is something you have never tried but would like to?
I can answer with the same ol' same ol' like skydiving, cliff jumping, or running a marathon (although I don't particularly want to do that). But I shall try to be unique. Hmm. . . I want to build a tree house. A massive one! Like Tarzan's or the Swiss Family Robinson's. Also, I would like to walk on hot coals. Like Pam does. It seems to have been a very enlightening experience for her. I would like to be enlightened. I also want to survive in the wild. And learn to shoot a bow and arrow. And be brave enough to admit and chase after my dreams. There are lots o' things I want to try.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Kiss and Tell
Lyndsie came up with this amazing idea! She said I gave her the idea but I don't think she gives herself enough credit. We were talking one night about all the boys we've kissed and how much we need to remember them all so we don't feel like sluts. I don't necessarily feel like a slut anymore. There's this gum commercial on t.v. that says the average person has 28 first kisses. That's a lot in my mind. Anyway, here goes. If you are reading this and I have kissed you and not acknowledged you, please tell me so I may amend it.
People I have kissed and meant it:
Daniel Carter
Chase Thompson
Marc Neilson
Justin Mortensen
Travis Wright
Andrew Baker
Marco Vega
Jace Rowley
Jacob Budge
Lance Heath
Joshua Smoody
Brian Schonbeck
Jake Thomas
Laura Hawk (Granted we were playing spin the bottle, but it was a real kiss and I wanted to be able to say I've kissed a girl.)
Jon Dodart
Cole Chollet
Vincent Romero
Frank Bryant
Steve Renner
I think that is all. Wow. 19. Impressive considering I am only 21 and didn't start dating until I was 16. Only 9 more to go until I am average. How exciting.
People I have kissed and meant it:
Daniel Carter
Chase Thompson
Marc Neilson
Justin Mortensen
Travis Wright
Andrew Baker
Marco Vega
Jace Rowley
Jacob Budge
Lance Heath
Joshua Smoody
Brian Schonbeck
Jake Thomas
Laura Hawk (Granted we were playing spin the bottle, but it was a real kiss and I wanted to be able to say I've kissed a girl.)
Jon Dodart
Cole Chollet
Vincent Romero
Frank Bryant
Steve Renner
I think that is all. Wow. 19. Impressive considering I am only 21 and didn't start dating until I was 16. Only 9 more to go until I am average. How exciting.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Do you want to change your career?
Well isn't that a doosy. Yes? No? Maybe? I mean, obviously I don't want to be an afterschool coordinator for the rest of my life; but I'm thinking more along the lines of the big picture. So I will rephrase the question. Do you want to change your major? If you are reading faithfully, you will know how many problems this question is not only causing me now but has caused me in the past. The truth is I don't know. Right now I think I am so smothered by the stress of my job and life (or lack there of) and school and my quest to be pure again and find a mate and a bunch of other bull, that my brain is a swimming mess of "what the hell is going on?" and "will anything ever make sense again?" I just have to have faith that it will. In my experience, I have learned that whenever I go through these crazy crises something happens. Be it good or bad, that something is always a game changer. I don't know if this something will be an outside force or self inflicted. I suppose I will just have to wait and see. I'll keep you posted.
Do you wish you lived closer to a certain someone or group of people?
Yes. I miss my family. I want to be with them always. I'm not saying I want to live with them because that would be ridiculous. And I guess I don't necessarily want to be so close that I tire of their presence. But I do miss them. I miss seeing Becca grow up. I miss talking to my mom all night. I miss Eric dancing. I miss shopping with my sisters. I miss watching the Discovery Channel with William. And I really miss my grandparents. I've started thinking about summer because spring is near. And that makes me think of last summer. Which was so nice. Truth be told, I loved living with my grandma and grandpa. Getting fat because they always took me out or made me nice meals. Talking with them late at night. Sleeping until 1. Working at Gold's. I really miss Gold's. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I quit. It was a whole crazy story that had to do with Recharge and I will perhaps write the whole thing down eventually. But I miss baby Brielle. Well, toddler. Anyway, that was a tangent. I wish I could conjure up my family whenever I want without having them around when I don't. Also, it would be nice to live near Nichele. At least for a bit before her mission because not seeing her for 18 months is going to suck. And then she's gonna get married and I'm going to be an old spinster. Also a tangent. Like I said above, my brain is swirly. Short answer? Yes.
Do you wish you lived in a foreign country or a far away state?
And this answer completely nulls the last. Yes. Always. I always wish I lived in Britain. Always. I have only spent two days of my entire life there. I had swine flu. And it was still magical. I love the music, the theater, the films, the atmosphere, the history. I just want to be in Europe and explore. And I want to raise little British kids with little British accents and marry a handsome British man and live in a cottage on a farm not far from London. I would like to research my family and find our far away relatives. I want to have tea time. I love tea time!!! I make an effort to have tea time everyday anyway. But it is so much nicer in Britain. Everything is nicer in Britain.
Well isn't that a doosy. Yes? No? Maybe? I mean, obviously I don't want to be an afterschool coordinator for the rest of my life; but I'm thinking more along the lines of the big picture. So I will rephrase the question. Do you want to change your major? If you are reading faithfully, you will know how many problems this question is not only causing me now but has caused me in the past. The truth is I don't know. Right now I think I am so smothered by the stress of my job and life (or lack there of) and school and my quest to be pure again and find a mate and a bunch of other bull, that my brain is a swimming mess of "what the hell is going on?" and "will anything ever make sense again?" I just have to have faith that it will. In my experience, I have learned that whenever I go through these crazy crises something happens. Be it good or bad, that something is always a game changer. I don't know if this something will be an outside force or self inflicted. I suppose I will just have to wait and see. I'll keep you posted.
Do you wish you lived closer to a certain someone or group of people?
Yes. I miss my family. I want to be with them always. I'm not saying I want to live with them because that would be ridiculous. And I guess I don't necessarily want to be so close that I tire of their presence. But I do miss them. I miss seeing Becca grow up. I miss talking to my mom all night. I miss Eric dancing. I miss shopping with my sisters. I miss watching the Discovery Channel with William. And I really miss my grandparents. I've started thinking about summer because spring is near. And that makes me think of last summer. Which was so nice. Truth be told, I loved living with my grandma and grandpa. Getting fat because they always took me out or made me nice meals. Talking with them late at night. Sleeping until 1. Working at Gold's. I really miss Gold's. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I quit. It was a whole crazy story that had to do with Recharge and I will perhaps write the whole thing down eventually. But I miss baby Brielle. Well, toddler. Anyway, that was a tangent. I wish I could conjure up my family whenever I want without having them around when I don't. Also, it would be nice to live near Nichele. At least for a bit before her mission because not seeing her for 18 months is going to suck. And then she's gonna get married and I'm going to be an old spinster. Also a tangent. Like I said above, my brain is swirly. Short answer? Yes.
Do you wish you lived in a foreign country or a far away state?
And this answer completely nulls the last. Yes. Always. I always wish I lived in Britain. Always. I have only spent two days of my entire life there. I had swine flu. And it was still magical. I love the music, the theater, the films, the atmosphere, the history. I just want to be in Europe and explore. And I want to raise little British kids with little British accents and marry a handsome British man and live in a cottage on a farm not far from London. I would like to research my family and find our far away relatives. I want to have tea time. I love tea time!!! I make an effort to have tea time everyday anyway. But it is so much nicer in Britain. Everything is nicer in Britain.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
My emotions are directly tied to the weather. It is overcast today. I am overcast today. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's not the same as depressed. Mostly it makes me pensive. I am in a thinky think place right now. I started researching acting schools again. Could I go back to that? Do I want to? What if I moved back to Salt Lake and went back to the U and went back to the ATP? I think/hope Drew has mostly fallen off the face the earth with all of his drug use/dealing so I wouldn't have to deal with him. I am 98% sure they'd take me back. I left on a good note. Or what if I decided to take time off school after I get my Associates and sign a contract with Wilhelmina? They offered me a modeling contract last summer but they also represent actors. I could just get right in. Or what if I moved to LA? Or New York? Watching the Oscars on Sunday made me realize I've never completely given up on my dream. I wish it was a more practical dream. Next Wednesday I'm going to observe a high school Spanish Class. I wasn't there the day we signed up so I got stuck with Spanish. At the very least that will help me decide if I would prefer Secondary to Elementary. If I still decide to teach. Which I can't decide. Well, I guess I don't have to decide anything today. So I won't.
What do you want to accomplish?
I hate these open ended questions. They feel so very vague. I want to accomplish a lot of things, okay?! How can I be expected to write them all down? I want to be happy. That is all. I want to enjoy my life as a spastic and indecisive person. I have a hard time accepting that I am not the kind of person who can stay still and settle down. I should stop trying to fight my tendency to fly away and just embrace it. I have learned so much about life by being the way I am. And there is so much left for me to learn. God made me this way and this way I shall stay. So I want to accomplish the ability to be as tolerant of myself as I am of others. And to love my life and love the journey I am taking. And also, I want to get to Heaven.
What do you want to accomplish?
I hate these open ended questions. They feel so very vague. I want to accomplish a lot of things, okay?! How can I be expected to write them all down? I want to be happy. That is all. I want to enjoy my life as a spastic and indecisive person. I have a hard time accepting that I am not the kind of person who can stay still and settle down. I should stop trying to fight my tendency to fly away and just embrace it. I have learned so much about life by being the way I am. And there is so much left for me to learn. God made me this way and this way I shall stay. So I want to accomplish the ability to be as tolerant of myself as I am of others. And to love my life and love the journey I am taking. And also, I want to get to Heaven.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I am 21
Wow. 21 years I have been on this earth. How crazy?! And this monumental birthday has had me contemplating my purpose in life quite a bit. I realized how young I am. I know that totally sounds ridiculous but seriously, up until my actual birthday I felt so old. And then I turned 21 and I felt like I was drowning in this big grown up world. I'm too young to be making decisions that will affect my entire future. How can we be expected to know what we want with life and what we want to study right out of High School? I'm in my third year of college and I still have no clue what the hell I'm doing. So I'm kind of doing a little bit of panicking and trying to plan my whole life out. Which is the problem in the first place. I thought that after I turned 21 I would have this aura of maturity; that I would be taken seriously and take myself more seriously. But I feel so young and green and frightened. It is an odd phenomenon.
What do you think of passionate people?
I love passionate people. Who doesn't? I like to consider myself a passionate person. I was talking to my mom about my crisis of self I mentioned above and we were discussing possible career and school changes. We were talking about my interests and, turns out, I love them all equally and extravagently. What ever I do I love with an unquenchable passion. I love reading, I love writing, I love studying art, I love studying History, I love nutrition, I love child care, I love acting, I love singing, I love being outdoors, and I love scores of other things. And it is complicated. I am also passionate in my social interactions. I think I may have mentioned this before ;) but I fall hard and fast in love. I will "know" within the hour if I am meant to be with someone. The same thing goes for friends too though. I can say without a doubt upon meeting someone if there is a posibility we will be friends. And if we become friends, we will be close. At least, if I like them enough. So there you have it. I am a passionate person who passionately loves passionate people.
Do you know anyone who you feel is living their dream? Who? What do they do all day and night? Be very specific.
Well, seeing as I live in an average community with average folk living average lifestyles, I do not think I know anyone personally who is living his or her dream. I can't say for sure and there very well could be people who are, but they haven't made themselves known to me. There is one person who I feel is living my dream, or at least one of them anyway. Miss Amy Adams. She has been nominated for 3 Oscars. Every single one of the characters she has played is one I would die to play. DIE! She is so amazing. She has a beautiful baby girl and a handsome fiance. I don't know what she does all day and night except be awesome. But I know she is living a life she wants and has chosen for herself. She worked hard to get where she is. And she is brilliant at what she does. And she is a Disney frickin' Princess!
Do you think you can be completely satisfied living where you do now?
No. I love St. George. It is definitely a step up from the rest of Utah. But it is still trapped under that typical "Mormon" bubble. I am mormon and I have no problems being a mormon or with the church. It's the culture I can't stand. I don't want to have to be subject to anymore ridiculous political banter from people who have no clue what they are talking about. And I certainly don't want to raise my children in a society such as this. So it is great for now. But not forever.
What do you think of passionate people?
I love passionate people. Who doesn't? I like to consider myself a passionate person. I was talking to my mom about my crisis of self I mentioned above and we were discussing possible career and school changes. We were talking about my interests and, turns out, I love them all equally and extravagently. What ever I do I love with an unquenchable passion. I love reading, I love writing, I love studying art, I love studying History, I love nutrition, I love child care, I love acting, I love singing, I love being outdoors, and I love scores of other things. And it is complicated. I am also passionate in my social interactions. I think I may have mentioned this before ;) but I fall hard and fast in love. I will "know" within the hour if I am meant to be with someone. The same thing goes for friends too though. I can say without a doubt upon meeting someone if there is a posibility we will be friends. And if we become friends, we will be close. At least, if I like them enough. So there you have it. I am a passionate person who passionately loves passionate people.
Do you know anyone who you feel is living their dream? Who? What do they do all day and night? Be very specific.
Well, seeing as I live in an average community with average folk living average lifestyles, I do not think I know anyone personally who is living his or her dream. I can't say for sure and there very well could be people who are, but they haven't made themselves known to me. There is one person who I feel is living my dream, or at least one of them anyway. Miss Amy Adams. She has been nominated for 3 Oscars. Every single one of the characters she has played is one I would die to play. DIE! She is so amazing. She has a beautiful baby girl and a handsome fiance. I don't know what she does all day and night except be awesome. But I know she is living a life she wants and has chosen for herself. She worked hard to get where she is. And she is brilliant at what she does. And she is a Disney frickin' Princess!
Do you think you can be completely satisfied living where you do now?
No. I love St. George. It is definitely a step up from the rest of Utah. But it is still trapped under that typical "Mormon" bubble. I am mormon and I have no problems being a mormon or with the church. It's the culture I can't stand. I don't want to have to be subject to anymore ridiculous political banter from people who have no clue what they are talking about. And I certainly don't want to raise my children in a society such as this. So it is great for now. But not forever.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
How do you feel about your home furnishings?
What a strange question ha ha. But it makes sense. How can you live a life you love if you don't love where you live? Well, I love my apartment. I think I love it because it is mine. My furniture expresses who I am. I love my matching but not matching bedroom set. I love my bedspread. I love my broken bookcase, my canvas wall squares, and my teapots. But most of all I love my art. Pictures of Marilyn Monroe, Gone with the Wind, West Side Story, Spring Awakening, Our Town, and Rosy the Riveter. Posters from the Panic At The Disco Concert. And my signed The Hush Sound poster. My home furnishings reflect who I am now and the experiences I have had. And I love it.
Do you have a hobby that you like to do but don't get paid for? What is it?
Do I ever. Does a hobby that I could get paid for count? I love to act. And I love to sing. And I love to pretend to dance. And I know that if I really wanted to I could be successful and make money doing these things (well, except maybe dancing). But what would be the point? The reason for hobbies is so you can escape from your normal life. I don't want my hobbies to become something I have to do to survive in the literal sense. I am perfectly content with them being something I have to do to survive figuratively.
Does money hold you back from anything? What does it hold you back from? Be very specific.
Yes money does hold me back. A lot. It holds me back from living my life without fear. I am in a constant state of worry that I will not have the money to pay rent or utilities or buy groceries. And sometimes this does happen to me. But I have grown used to it in a way. I've never had money. My family has never had money. And if I had money I don't really know what I do with it. Probably pay my debts and swindle the rest on books. And I would travel. I would go everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I have always been the type of person who just wants to pick up and leave. Go somewhere alone where no one can find me and I can be free. I take back what I said about never having money. When I was a nanny I had money. And I did pick up and leave, when it was practical of course. I went to New York for the weekend twice. All alone the first time and mostly alone the second. And it was wonderful. So I would do more of that. Only I would go to Greece or Russia or India or Italy or Australia. I'm always looking up ways to go out of the country on the cheap. I know all of the best hostel companies in and out of the states. I dream of going all the time. But I can't because I don't have the money. Eat, Pray, Love is one of my favorite books. And if I could do what she did I would be so happy. But Elizabeth had money and lots of it. I think money holds me back from doing the things I dream of doing and therefore holds me back from finding complete satisfaction in my life.
I guess that's enough for now. I do have to update on life developments but I wanted to get some questions done first.
What a strange question ha ha. But it makes sense. How can you live a life you love if you don't love where you live? Well, I love my apartment. I think I love it because it is mine. My furniture expresses who I am. I love my matching but not matching bedroom set. I love my bedspread. I love my broken bookcase, my canvas wall squares, and my teapots. But most of all I love my art. Pictures of Marilyn Monroe, Gone with the Wind, West Side Story, Spring Awakening, Our Town, and Rosy the Riveter. Posters from the Panic At The Disco Concert. And my signed The Hush Sound poster. My home furnishings reflect who I am now and the experiences I have had. And I love it.
Do you have a hobby that you like to do but don't get paid for? What is it?
Do I ever. Does a hobby that I could get paid for count? I love to act. And I love to sing. And I love to pretend to dance. And I know that if I really wanted to I could be successful and make money doing these things (well, except maybe dancing). But what would be the point? The reason for hobbies is so you can escape from your normal life. I don't want my hobbies to become something I have to do to survive in the literal sense. I am perfectly content with them being something I have to do to survive figuratively.
Does money hold you back from anything? What does it hold you back from? Be very specific.
Yes money does hold me back. A lot. It holds me back from living my life without fear. I am in a constant state of worry that I will not have the money to pay rent or utilities or buy groceries. And sometimes this does happen to me. But I have grown used to it in a way. I've never had money. My family has never had money. And if I had money I don't really know what I do with it. Probably pay my debts and swindle the rest on books. And I would travel. I would go everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I have always been the type of person who just wants to pick up and leave. Go somewhere alone where no one can find me and I can be free. I take back what I said about never having money. When I was a nanny I had money. And I did pick up and leave, when it was practical of course. I went to New York for the weekend twice. All alone the first time and mostly alone the second. And it was wonderful. So I would do more of that. Only I would go to Greece or Russia or India or Italy or Australia. I'm always looking up ways to go out of the country on the cheap. I know all of the best hostel companies in and out of the states. I dream of going all the time. But I can't because I don't have the money. Eat, Pray, Love is one of my favorite books. And if I could do what she did I would be so happy. But Elizabeth had money and lots of it. I think money holds me back from doing the things I dream of doing and therefore holds me back from finding complete satisfaction in my life.
I guess that's enough for now. I do have to update on life developments but I wanted to get some questions done first.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
"Swim"
You've gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim
You gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers and friends
Yeah you've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw
The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
Well I'm not giving in
I swim
You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah you've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim
Jack's Mannequin
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