Do you feel like anything in your life is holding you back from ultimate joy?  List everything.

Fear.  At least when it comes to my love life.  In all other aspects of my life, I am afraid of nothing.  I have been called ballsy more than once.  But I won't take chances on love anymore.  And I have to.  A few posts ago I talked about about who was a "praise the Lord I never but what if."  Well, as everyday passes I think about him more and more.  And my heart feels warm fuzzies that it hasn't felt in a long time.  But I'm scared to go for it.  I know he thinks about me.  I'm not certain about much when it comes to men but of this I am certain.  I know he would accept me.  At least temporarily.  And that is the problem.  I don't know how long it would last.  And I don't know if he would be faithful.  And I don't know if he could ever change.  And if something did happen with him and it did not turn out well it would be the worst heartbreak of my entire life.  Not only because I feel like we have had a deep and spiritual connection, a "living breathing link" so to speak, since we met four years ago.  But also because I am best friends with his sister.  And his mom is a second mother to me.  And I can not afford to lose them in my life.  But I know if I don't go for it I will always regret it.  Fear, however, may stop me.  

My addictions.  I will not go into detail what these are because they are personal and I would rather not ever write about them.  But they cause me to hate myself.  And they give me migraines.  And tummy aches.  And they stop me from sleeping at night.  I must give them up to have ultimate joy.

Resentment toward my father.  I have tried and tried and tried to forgive him.  I have tried and tried and tried to accept him.  But the life he has chosen has hurt me so much.  And his complete disregard for anyone else's feelings hurts me.  And the fact that he is not sorry for all the pain he has caused me and continues to cause me makes it hard for me to love him.

My obsession with body image.  I will never be happy with my weight.  It does not matter how thin I am or how good I look.  I always think I can look better.  

I think that is all for the moment.