Do you wish that you were somewhere else right now?

I always wish I was at Disneyland.  So yes.

Do you sleep with one leg out from under the covers?

Nah

Do you think glasses are hot?

Not generally but they can be on the right person.

Could you go a month without cursing?

Hell to the no.  I wish.

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?

Fall Out Boy concert.

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?

A while.

Do you own any band t-shirts?

A few.  

Do you care if people hate you for no reason?

Of course.

Do you want to see somebody right now?

Meh

Do you listen to songs when you're down?

Not when I'm sad usually.  When I'm angry yes.

Have you ever hugged someone named Joe?

I believe so.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

Recently.  Ish.

Would you ever get a tattoo?

>: 4 8 15 16 23 42

Do you hold grudges?

Oh yes.

Does any part of your body hurt right now?

Head.  Kill me.

Who was the last person you talked to in person?

Lex and Justin

Ever given your ALL to someone who walked away?

Uh huh

Are you on of those people who's always cold?

Always always

Do you have any summer plans yet?

Disneyland

Do you tend to waste a lot of money?

No, I wish I could sometimes.  I'm frugal to a fault.  Just look at my shoes and you'll know what I mean.

Have you ever cried from being so mad?

I cry whenever I feel any emotion strongly.

Is anything bothering you?

Head.  Kill me.

Are you missing anyone?

I guess.

 What was your last thought last night before you went to bed?

Why?  And a pro/con list.

Did you ever break someones heart?

Yes.  It was for the best.

What's something you really want right now, be honest?

Krispy Kreme

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

No.  It's impersonal and sort of demeaning.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how tired are you right now?

Physically: 9

Sleep-ily: 4

Emotionally: 18

When is the last time you watched a movie?

It has been a while.

Who were the first 2 people you heard this morning?

Justin and Spencer.  Because I called them.  Because I had an emergency.  As usual.  See below.

What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?

Jump starting my car.  

Have you ever had your heart broken? If so, how many times?

Yes.  Like really broken broken?  Twice.  Or three times.  More like four.  Nope, five.  I fall hard. 

Do you listen to music every day?

Not always.  Sometimes I can't handle the noise.  I like silence.

How do you know the last male you texted?

5 years of friendship.

Were you single on your last birthday?

Oh yeah.  That was great let me tell you.

Are you wearing a sports shirt?

No

What was the last new movie you watched?

The Other Guys

Where were you at 8 am this morning?

Watching The Office in bed.

Have you ever crawled through a window?

Yeah.

Morning or Night person?

Both when I'm in mania.  Neither when I'm not.

Left or right handed?

Right

Would you marry for money?

Maybe in a few years when I'm even more jaded than I am now.

What' s your favorite fruit?

Bananas

Do you want to live till 100 years?

No

When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?

Off please.

Do you like to watch cartoons?

Not really.  

Are you short?

Oh no.

If you won a million dollars, what would be your first thought?

What's karma gonna throw at me to even this out?

Tomorrow is?

Sunday

Are you happy with life at the moment?

Yeah

Is it cute when you get kissed on the forehead?

Yes.  If I am sad.  And we are hugging.

What would you do if someone randomly came up to you and poked you?

Probably reflexively hit said someone.

What is one thing in your life that is no longer there, that you miss?

Nothing

Name a lyric from the song you're listening to?

Remember what I said about silence?

Anyone of the opposite sex been on your mind lately?

Oh hohoho.  I wish it were not so.

Someone knocks on your window at 5 am, what do you say?

"What the Hell?"  Also, I might scream.

When was the last time you sang an entire song?

Voice on Monday.  Or in the shower today if that counts.

Next time you will kiss someone?

Christmas.  Because on Christmas you tell the truth.

Are you good at keeping in touch with people?

No.  Sorry.

Have you ever tried to break someone up?

Haha.  Like everyday of high school.

What is your biggest regret in life?

Drinking

How did you feel when you woke up?

Sick

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?

No

How many pillows do you sleep with?

Two

What color are your bed sheets?

Cream and white

Do you cook?

Yum

Do you laugh enough?

Yes.  And my laugh can be hear from miles around.

When was the last time you were complimented?

Today when I switched my nose stud for a ring.

Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon?

Yes

Whats the 1st thing you notice on a guy/girl?

Personality. . . Of course.  Ha ha, not their face or body because that would be so shallow. . .  I'm so not like that. . .

Whats your fav cold cereal?

Cocoa Pebbles

So I went out to eat at Winger's tonight with my wonderfully marvelous best friend Alexa Thompson.  We were having a grand ol' time and I was flirting it up with the waiter when he said he had worked at Winger's for over a year.  So, being super intelligent, I asked him if he knew this guy who used to work there that I went on like two dates with last semester before he moved to Salt Lake.  Oh yup.  They were roommates.  So Alexa decides to proclaim loudly that we made out.  Which we didn't.  Then waiter man proceeds to tease me and call me a prude.  And then I say, "I probably didn't leave a great impression because I didn't make out with him."  Or something like that.  Next comes awkward pause and me trying to reclaim myself and not be awkward the rest of the night.  Alexa and Justin (Hansen) decided to make fun of waiter man for being like a Sesame Street character while I tried to counteract them by being super nice so he wouldn't tell the boy I went on like two dates with that I'm such a bitch.  Because I'm sure waiter man will remember my name.  I left him a nice tip and a thank you note with a winky face.  Sans phone number because that would be just too awkward.  I hope that made him think I'm not a bitch.

How do you top this ever?

The Crucible

     So, 4 years ago I was in this little play that sort of changed my life.  The Crucible by Arthur Miller in which I played Abigail Williams AKA the root of all Evil.  But that's not how I see her.  She was scared.  Her life was Hell.  Although my life is not as extreme as hers, I feel more connected to her than I ever did before.  She gave herself to this man who was weak (that doesn't make him bad).  She had been abused her whole life by her father and her uncle (according to me); I speculate she killed her parents because of the abuse.  And for the first time, she CHOOSES to go to bed with a man and he basically tells her to get lost.  She is called a whore by his wife and her name is blackened in the town she lives in.  What options did she really have?  Don't get me wrong; I was never abused.  I did not kill my parents.  And I definitely do not condone accusing others of witchcraft.  But I have given my heart to so many different men only to be told to "get lost."  Only to be called a slut by my classmates and/or ex boyfriends (ok, maybe just one or two or three people in particular but still).  Only to have rumors spread about me.  I feel like I know more about the kind of thing she was going through.  I would love to be in this play again and have another go at Abigail.  If I was certain I wouldn't go crazy this time.
     Now that said, that's not why I am writing this today.  I want to express my gratitude for the people I met while being a part of this play.  Everyone made me grow in some way, whether big or small.

Neal: You forever changed my self esteem by giving this to me.  I remember so vividly you telling me you wouldn't cast me.  And I remember the reluctance and fear in your voice when you asked me to read for Abigail, obviously in spite of your better judgement.  But I remember your surety when you told me I was Abigail most of all.  You might as well have said "of course" at the end of your announcement.  Thank you for your faith in me.  I hope I met your expectations.

Nichele:  My second in command ;)  I chipped a tooth because of you.  And you lost a lot of hair because of me.  I know that in the beginning I wasn't what you expected from Abigail (only because you told me so) but I love you for hopping on my bandwagon anyway.  Thank you for helping me stifle my crazy and being my best friend.

Sage:  You were my greatest support during this play.  I don't know if you even remember how close we became and how much we talked.  But I could tell you everything.  I really hope I wasn't imagining our rivalry all throughout high school, but I felt during this play that we were able to put that aside.  I really respect you for being there for me.  Thank you.

Meredith:  I can't even express how incredible you were.  You were perfect for Mary.  I hope you still have your poppet.

Becca:  This was a hard time for us.  We NEVER talked.  And I think that is what made our "chemistry," so to speak, so great.  You are such a beautiful actress and so very talented.

All the other girls:  You rocked.  I wasn't anything compared to you.  You truly stole the show.

Skyler:  You already know how much you saved me.  Just reminding you again.

Dean:  My strongest memories of you came from this show.  The first was when we were rehearsing the scene in which Danforth is accusing Abigail of adultery.  It was one time we ran the scene and it was the best it ever was.  It was the absolute peak and I was so scared of it I couldn't go there again.  I had tears streaming down my face and I can still see you, scared out of your mind for me asking me with your eyes if I was alright.  And my most favorite, of course, was when you were running up the hill to look at the cars we girls vandalized.  Even though I was yards away, I could see every single change of expression in your face.  You were such an amazing influence in my life.  Thank you.  "There is no arrow straighter than Dean."

Chase:  I love you.  I really do.  A part of me always will.  It hurts me that you fell so far after this incredible experience.  I'm so sad that we never got to pursue what we had.  But I'm so glad at the same time.  I was going through so much crap and I was so vulnerable.  I was putty in your hands.  (I sort of still am and you know this which is absolutely not fair.)  I would have done anything for you.  And that would not have ended well.  I hate that you lied to us.  But that doesn't change the fact that you have forever impacted my life.  You have left a hand print on my heart and I hope someday you will be sober enough and I will be strong enough and we both will be sane enough to talk about our experience.

I know it was a high school play and I don't really expect anyone to understand why it changed my life so much.  More so than any play I have been a part of since and probably ever will.  But it did.  And I'm so grateful that it did.

Migraines

So basically, my hands and my face have been going numb off and on for 3 weeks.  And this past Sunday I developed a migraine.  I'm prone to migraines and have had them most of my life so I was able to power through the day.  But over the course of four days, it got progressively worse.  I couldn't sleep, I couldn't see, everything I at made me nauseated.  I couldn't think or even speak coherently.  I had to leave work early yesterday.  I got Justin and Spencer to drive me to the Instacare and they told me to go to the ER.  So last night I was in the ER getting blood drawn and a CT scan to prove that there is nothing wrong with me.  Again.  I have a feeling this has happened before.  It's not like I want something to be wrong with me; I just want to know what it is so maybe I can fix it.  On the bright side, I got an IV full of stuff to help my headache (which is coming back with a vengeance might I add) and a prescription for some fabulous meds.  But it still sucks.  I see no end in sight and that is disheartening.

The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight

Sometime Around Midnight

And it starts, sometime around midnight.

Or at least that’s when you lose yourself

for a minute or two.

As you stand, under the bar lights.

And the band plays some song

about forgetting yourself for a while.

And the piano’s this melancholy soundtrack to her smile.

And that white dress she’s wearing

you haven’t seen her for a while.

But you know, that she’s watching.
She’s laughing, she’s turning.
She’s holding her tonic like a cross.
The room’s suddenly spinning.
She walks up and asks how you are.
So you can smell her perfume.
You can see her lying naked in your arms.

And so there’s a change, in your emotions.
And all these memories come rushing
like feral waves to your mind.
Of the curl of your bodies,
like two perfect circles entwined.
And you feel hopeless and homeless
and lost in the haze of the wine.

Then she leaves, with someone you don’t know.
But she makes sure you saw her.
She looks right at you and bolts.
As she walks out the door,
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes.
Oh and when your friends say,
“What is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Then you walk, under the streetlights.
And you’re too drunk to notice,
that everyone is staring at you.
You just don’t care what you look like,
the world is falling around you.

You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You know that she’ll break you in two.

Jam

I love watching reruns of The Office and watching Jim and Pam fall in love all over again.  I had this dream once that I was getting married to Jim.  It wasn't like some affair and I didn't steal him from Pam or anything; that was just the way life was in my dream.  We were so excited and we couldn't stop saying, "we're married."  I'm pretty sure my cheeks hurt when I woke up because I had been smiling so big.  Mmmhmmm.  It was nice.