It has been so long. . .

. . . oh so very long since I have posted.  Can I just please say that this past week, well past two weeks, have been Hellboy on Ice?  Oh gosh.  So much traveling, so much snow, and so little sleep.  But now it is done and now my mom is visiting and life is calm once again.  So now to my question:

What do you feel is your greatest skill?


Loaded, loaded question.  I do have so many great ones :P  But seriously, I do.  I am so proud of myself nowadays.  I have developed the ability to move on from the past.  The ability to manage my illness.  The ability to know what I want.  But I think my very absolute greatest skill is to love everyone and empathize with them.  I have been given the gift of empathy.  It says so in my patriarchal blessing.  And it is a great, if not absolutely horrifying, gift.  I cannot only feel bad for someone but I can feel his or her pain.  I don't know how.  I have not experienced so much in my short life.  Definitely not being gay or having an abortion or losing a child or being an alcoholic or homeless or terminal.  But I know what it feels like.  And I cry for them.  I don't understand it and it can be so awful sometimes.  I can see a person in the store and not even speak a word to him but know the pain he is going through.  And I go home and cry and cry and pray for him.
It is a difficult skill to manage and it causes me a lot of pain, but at the end of the day, I am so grateful I have it.  It makes me see the world in a way I am not sure many people can.  It is why I am such a bleeding heart liberal. And why I am a Mormon.  So yes.  That is my greatest, awfullest, most challenging, most wonderful gift.

So it's been like 8 years since I last posted because I was with my family for Thanksgiving and they didn't have internet this week.  It was actually a really nice little break from everything.  But, some interesting news.  Remember that "what if" boy?  Well, I ran into his step-sister over break and got his email!  So now I can write him and stop that awful nagging feeling that I need to.  He gets home from his mission in 16 days though so it may be pointless to write him but I don't really care.  Next question is too long.  I am tired and will post tomorrow.  I just had to update in case my readers (right) were worried about me.

Do you like what you are doing for money?


I LOVE MY JOB!!!!!  Well, jobs.  I have worked at Gold's Gym in St. George for over a year (I also worked at the one in AF for a year).  I love the kids, the coworkers, the big boss lady, and everything about it.  I especially love the free pass.  I make minimum wage there, but it's nice to have a little bit of extra money.  I also work for St. George Community Education.  I am the After School Program coordinator.  It is a lot of work, a lot of travel, and very time consuming.  For the first time in my college life, I have let my grades slip.  It's because I work all the time.  That should let anyone who knows me understand how much I love my job.  My grades have always come first.  I have cut my hours back and even quit jobs in the past to keep my grades up.  So. . . yeah.  I am having a great time.  I think teaching will combine the best of both of these jobs into one complete little package with better hours.  At least that's what I hope.  Oh yes, and the money is good.  Very very good.

What is one quality about your parents that you really do not like?


My dad's irresponsibility and childish tendencies.
My mom's flakiness.
Richard's passive aggressive behavior.

One of my most amazing and darling and oldest friends, Ashley St. John and her husband D.J. had a baby today.  His name is Jack Michael.  I love him already.  I'm so happy right now, I can't even explain it.

Two of my best friends had their records removed from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints today.  I feel sad.  But I am grateful to the Lord for the gift of Agency.  The life they are choosing to live is not in accordance with the church doctrines, so it seems logical that they have their records removed.  I am not saying it is a bad thing.  For them it is right.  I just hate that they left the church with all sorts of misconceptions.  Justin said to me, "they say that they revoke all of your 'blessings' that you've ever received," or something to that affect.  But that's not true.  What they say is that you relinquish your right to hold the Holy Ghost, hold the Priesthood, and receive Temple blessings.  The church does not and cannot take away anything God gave to you freely including blessings.  God blesses people who are not members everyday.  What the church does is let you know that since you are not keeping your half of the covenants you made, God doesn't have to keep his half.  If that makes sense.  It just really bothered me how upset Justin was with the church "taking away" his blessings when in the same breath he said he didn't even believe in them.  And I hate that I can never try to talk to him about the gospel again.  And I hate that he has forgotten about all the times he felt the spirit in his life.  And above all else, I hate that he doesn't believe in God anymore.

What is one quality of your parents that you really love?


Mom: Her passion for her children.  She will do anything to make sure that we are happy even if it is detrimental to her health.  And her sense of humor which I inherited.
Richard: His steadfastness and his work ethic.  His willingness to love me and my siblings even though he doesn't have to.
Dad: His love of the arts and education which he so willingly passed on to me.  And his eyes.  Which I have.